


I'm Tired Of These Memories

by theenterprise



Category: Psych
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Carlton 'Lassie' Lassiter (brief mention), Depression, Gen, Henry Spencer (mention), Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Juliet O'Hara (mention), Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, shawngus if you really squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 14:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2550770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theenterprise/pseuds/theenterprise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shawn has these memories at the end of the day that come flooding in and sometimes it's too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Tired Of These Memories

Shawn realises he’s not okay.

Sometimes Shawn has these episodes. Shawn will come home and lay on his bed and the memories flood in from the day. He doesn’t tell about it to anyone else. No one else would understand it. Not even Gus. So he’s alone. The memories flood in, pounding against his skull, breaking through and swishing around in his head. Sometimes they’re good memories, but they’re usually not. Memories from childhood, from his teen’s, from his years before he came back to Santa Barbara, and sometimes the memories are fresh from the day of.

It’s like he’s sent back in time, watching his body from someone else view. And it’s painful, sometimes funny, and sometimes just sad.

This one is a bad memory. He pushes against his head with hands, the pressure on his head hurts so much. The painkillers don’t do anything. He could pop something or smoke but he’s learned the hard way that when he’s having these memories, it just makes for a bad trip, and a bad waste of weed.

“Fuuuuckkk” His nails dig into his hair, he’s surprised he hasn’t gone bald like his dad from the hair pulling.

The memory this time is of the night of when his mom left. He’s crying and his parents are screaming. They’re screaming so loudly and he can’t block it out and he doesn’t realise until years later that his mom was the one who made the those marks on the wall from throwing things and not his dad.

Shawn squeezes his eyes as closed as much as he can. He’s on the floor, hitting his head against the wall and the pain actually starts ebbing away.

-

When he wakes up and it’s bright out. The light is streaming through the windows and it’s too fucking bright so he closes his eyes again but he can feel the light anyways now so he rubs his face with his hands. Except there’s something on them. It’s blood. He remembers that he’s still on the floor and gets up to use the bathroom but his muscles are so stiff that he has to take a moment to recoup.

When he gets to the mirror he cranes his neck to see how bad it is but the injury is on the back of his head so he has to fish out his cell from his pocket and to take a picture of the wound.

It’s not too bad, its small and has started to scab over but the blood had dripped down his hair and dried there so it’s kind of gross. He groans, his head aches and he needs the painkillers now, it’s a different kind of pain that the pills can actually be helpful for. His cabinet is filled with bottles of pills that he steals from Gus. Just In Case. But the pain killers are most helpful for times like these. Especially if it means that he doesn’t have to think too much.

The bottle shakes in his hand, he can’t keep still. He tries to swallow the pills dry but they won’t go down his throat so he cups his hands with water from the the sink.

-

Shawn doesn't normally take cold showers but he needs to cool off. It feels like he has a fever, and the icey water feels good on the gash.

When he’s done getting dressed he looks at his phone. There’s 5 missed texts. One from Juliet, one from his dad, and three from Gus. He reads Juliets first.

[YESTERDAY 8:39] Jules: Hey shawn! u seemed off today… if u wanna talk im open 2 listen.

He considers texting back, but he’s not quite sure what to say. But he also feels bad for not responding so, he lies.

[TODAY 11:52 AM] You: totally fine. was just tired from so many visions :-) the spirits can be SOOO loud! tell lassie i say sup <3

Shawn clicks SEND and hopes it doesn’t sound too forced. He cares about Juliet, a lot. But she couldn’t understand Shawn even if she tried.

He goes ahead and looks at the message from his dad, he usually doesn’t reply to his dad’s messages anyways and his dad knows that.

[YESTERDAY 9:05] Dad (The Bald Menace): SHAWN!!! U said u were going to bring back the truck today!!! CALL ME!!

Shawn snorts and deletes the messages, his dad can get the truck himself. Shawn can’t even remember why he needed it in the first place when he uses the Blueberry anyways. He looks at the next messages from Gus:

[YESTERDAY 9:00] Gusssssssss: Shawn whats up dude? 

[YESTERDAY 9:39] Gusssssssss: You were acting weird today bro.

[YESTERDAY 11:52] Gusssssssss: Shawn?

His fingers hover over the keyboard but he decides against it, Gus is used to him not responding so its not a big deal, but then Shawn’s phone buzzes again, it’s Juliet. He considers not looking at it like Gus’s and just going back to bed. His head is sore and it seems like so much work to think out anymore responses but it’s Juliet and he “like likes” her too much to ignore her like his dad or Gus.

[TODAY 12:00] Jules: Oh okay. well if u need anything let me kno

He can’t respond, there’s nothing to say. Juliet is the last person (besides his dad) he would spill his guts out to. Shawn likes her too much to put that on her.

He’s so tired of these feelings, the tiredness, these memories constantly pulling him down. The cell is still in his hand, he thinks about asking Gus to come over when he hears noise at the door. There’s a clicking of the lock and footsteps that Shawn will always know and recognise, he looks up and Gus is there. Somehow he just knows, like Gus is a psychic and he knows that there’s something wrong and Shawn needs him.

And when Gus sits down next to Shawn and wraps his arm around him, Shawn thinks that he might be okay after all.

 

.End


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